Burn Baby Burn

Although my iPhone has been damaged and boxed up for quite some time – with prayers and hope and unrealistic optimism that it will be fixed soon – I still enjoy looking at some of the apps that roll out. I could always get some for my current dinosaur phone, but seeing as though it takes minutes to load anything (always followed by the phone then crashing), this phone is actually a SMART phone. I mean, I don’t even touch the screen and it works itself; randomly dials numbers, sends messages such as “vvVVFhfYYmn” to unsuspecting contacts, and doesn’t allow me to hang up phone calls, which means when I get to someone’s voicemail I have to take the battery out in a mad rush to turn the phone off so I don’t have to come face to face (or rather mouth to phone?) with someone’s inbox.burner_app_phones

Anyway, this app Burner I found recently is available from iTunes and Google Play and while isn’t exactly the only thing of its kind (I think Google voice offers the same thing or something similar), I like it because it could potentially make me feel like I’m playing detective or international spy (which I am good at….almost never). The concept of the app is simple: it gives you a fake number and when that number is called, it redirects to your actual number – without any of your info being given away. When you are done with the number, you “burn it.”

Besides the obvious reason of pretending to be sly, low-key, and anonymous, you may be asking, why does anyone need a fake number? I never really thought of the idea because

  1. Typically, no one I don’t know ever asks for my number (with the exception of a few (what I assume to be) out of town, no-toothed, truck-driving boy stragglers at Wal Mart a couple of years ago….I missed my chance, needless to say) and
  2. Chances are I am much weirder than anyone who approaches me for my number, so really the favor is on my side.

BUT! I have realized a fake number does have its positives.

  • Don’t like giving your number out on Craigslist? Put down a fake one. *Especially helpful when you selling slightly embarrassing items or items you may not want people to know you are selling or if you are like me and never take your CL postings down and once the items are sold your phone keeps blowing up with people interested in your already purchased goods.
  • Weird old guy at the bar trying to get your digits? Probably not because old people don’t have phones. But if a person in general is trying to and you’re feeling a little lucky about whether or not they’re crazy, you can give them the fake number as a test run.
who knows what could be
  • Hate giving your number to get free shit stuff online? Trial gym memberships, coupons, samples of things you’ll probably never use? FAKE NUMBER TIME!!

Obviously the fake number will actually redirect calls to your real number, but say you sold that weird outfit your Great Aunt Eleanore made from hamster hair on Craigslist, you’ve decided the weird person from the bar with the peg leg, lazy eye and t-shirt that reads “BLINK IF YOU WANT ME” is actually indeed crazy, and your trial membership to Snap Fitness has expired and your kitchen cupboards are now full of sample size experimental laundry soaps, horse shampoos and dog perfumes…and you don’t even own a dog. There is no more need for the number. What now? Burn it! All you have to do is put on some dramatic music, pretend you’re an international spy trying to hide your traces, hit the “burn it” button and KABOOM – the number is deleted and no longer operable.

Just make sure you get the reply you need before its gone.



3 thoughts on “Burn Baby Burn

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